What are the details that show that you are not really in love?Posted on the 17th of March 2021
I can give you clues as to whether you are in love. If you can't relate to it, then you are probably not in love.
Warning: the following list comes from personal experiences, therefore subjective. Unfortunately or not, love is not an exact science… I would distinguish two phases. The first describes the beginnings of the relationship. Nature wants to push us to make babies and it works pretty well. The second concerns relationships after a certain time, and/or platonic relationships, intellectual or nevertheless we can speak of love.
Mad dogs phase:
Second state, euphoric. We often think of the loved one. We smile in the wind. We are happy and a little stupid.
We can hardly find any faults with it. We are so lucky to have this wonderful person in our life.
A physical addiction. A phase where you want to leech with the other. He is not there? We miss him. Is he by our side? We are never quite glued to him. Do you see the youngsters galloping in the street? It's them
We want to be the best self possible. An improved version to guarantee the love of the other. The period when you don't dare to poop if he's around.
Lyrical and pure love phase:
Mutual esteem. We admire the other, we respect him. Despite the flaws that we know about it.
We always want to spend time with him, to do common projects. We always find pleasure in discussing, exchanging. The need for presence is less imperative, but contact (whatever it is) is always pleasant, sought after.
If you or your partner are fleeing from the other, not "deep" in your relationship (both sexual and friendly), not curious about him ... if the idea of breaking up does not make you hot or cold, the chances are you aren't actually in love.
These are the questions I would ask myself if I wanted to be sure of my love for someone.
There is physical, pheromonal (chemical), intellectual, spiritual, and behavioral attraction. Each relationship activates its points of attraction in different ways and it is sometimes difficult to say whether they love that emanates from them is sufficient to be the foundation of a lasting conventional relationship. Everything does not depend on the data of the relationship, but sometimes much more on the experience of previous ones. By this I mean our preferences at certain parameter levels in our attractions. We cannot determine them without having taken the time to gauge them and have already tried to deal with them for the first time. We all have a minimum love of the other with the exception of narcissists and narcissistic perverts where he turned on himself.
Your question to be clearer should have been:
What is it that shows that a person really loves?
You already have a list of attractions that could prove the opposite, but no one can boast of knowing the underlying motivations of a relationship. Me, I have as an indicator the past of the other and his common threads in his previous relationships. They can be enlightening about what love is for your spouse. Some people have been deceived by their parents' definition of love. Therefore, what for you is not love, jealousy, for example, can be considered by drift as love. While for you, it's a stifling cage ...
This is easier to describe when you take a relationship to an end. It turns out that love gives us a second wind and makes us hopelessly move forward in life. If someone stagnates within the couple, it is because the love is no longer there. That there is an imbalance. Love is never more than a transfer of personal projections accompanied by attractions. Once we have reached our projections, all that remains is the list of our attractions which may have evolved over time.
Some will say that if there are disputes, it is because there is love ... I would say that if there are debates it is a certainty, the dispute is the difficulty of finding a channel of communication and a language conducive to development. It is far from being as trivial as it is sold to us. When there is none, one part may be subject to the other in a state of dependence!
Disputes, violence, cheap blows, constant indifference (not linked to a toxic family context), lies, unspoken,….
Only deep and transparent communication can leave no doubt about the value a spouse gives you. As much as she can point out her flaws, such as being afraid of rejection or having an elusive character.
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